Still new to this thing called love
by xinhel
Summary: A chance to love for being that used to call itself hatred incarnate. stumbling in the dark as she learns about the dangerous emotion of love, discovering the unseen sides of both herself and others. will she be able experience love or will this chance go to waste?
1. this is a prolouge!

Shukaku. Matatabi. Isobu. Son goku. kokuo. saiken. Chomei . Gyuki. Kurama.

Ichibi. Nibi. Sanbi. Yonbi. Gobi. Rokubi. Nanabi. Hachibi. Kyuubi.

The nine tailed beast, gathered together. I never thought that I would get to see them together like this ever again. The war was over. After long days of fighting, one enemy after the other, it finally ended. With my mother,Kaguya, sealed away and zetsu dealt with as well. perhaps the world could enjoy long lasting peace after the years of bloodshed it had went through.

My time here was dwindling, soon I would have to leave for the pure land however I still had matters to tend to.

Before the two successors of my power woke from their slumber after the fight. I moved over to where the nine tailed beast gathered, seemingly engaging in small talk. As they noticed my presence, the talking ceased as they focus their attention to me. How nostalgic, they reminded me of my time when I was still alive. Even if they were much much bigger now then back then.

'' it's nice to see that you all are doing well even after all this time '' I spoke out, a smile on my face.

'' my time left in this world is short, have you given any thoughts as to what you wish to do after all that has happened '' the question was a simple one and the answers all seem to fall into the ' I wish to return home' category. Looking towards kurama and gyuki,

'' what do you two wish for '' an uncertain expression seemed to form on kurama's face. After a short while, they replied that they wish to return back to their 'host'.

'' a little piece of each of your chakra Is already within naruto. In short, naruto is like a gathering place for you. If you want to discuss something, you can speak to each other through your chakra inside naruto. Kurama I'd like for you to stay inside naruto as the overseer of the gathering.'' his answer brought a chuckle to both me and the other tailed beasts. Just as kokuo said, still not upfront with it's feeling.

Walking towards kurama, kurama seemed to instinctively lower his head.

'' kurama,what do you think of uzumaki naruto? '' I asked him. The question seemed to have Caught kurama off guard from the expression on its face. Reeling back, he gave the question some thought.

'' he is ... He is a stubborn loud mouthed orange wearing genin brat of a shinobi that likes to shout about becoming hokage and yet he is also the person that I acknowledged as my partner and as my equal. '' The answer brought a laugh to my mouth. How very fitting for Naruto.

'' kurama, what would you do if you were given a chance to love? '' I spoke out.

'' a chance to love? Hahaha. I am hatred incarnate, I do not love. All I have is hate. A being like me could never love. '' Kurama said out loud however there was not even a shred of anger or hatred in its words instead it said it if it was nothing more than a mere joke.

'' even if i could love, who would love a being such as myself.'' Even with its head turned away, I could easily tell that Kurama was not being true to himself.

'' kurama, think about it for a while. I still have time even if it is slowly dwindling. I will wait for your response.'' With that I proceeded to head back to where team seven rested after the fight with mother.

* * *

A chance. To love. Hahahahaha. How funny. As if a being like me could love. I am hatred incarnate, the closest experience to love which i had was the care shown to me during the first few days after my creation. care shown to me by the old man.

what a foolish question to ask me. I am a beast that could raise tsunamis and flatten mountains with a single flick of tail which I had nine of. I am a being regarded as a living natural disaster. The embodiment of hatred. How would I a 'monster' larger than even the biggest of summoning animals have a chance to love. But even I know that the old man would never say something like that as a joke. He has a way to make it happen. Still, why would he give this chance to me and only me, when the other beasts could have appreciated more.

I looked around me, the eyes of my fellow tailed beasts were focused onto me.

''What do you want!''

My sudden outburst seemed to scare off the other tailed beast, most of them backing of slightly. Even if I had gotten more considerate to others, it did not mean that I would be over friendly to everybody.

'' what do you intend to do? '' Gyuki asked, looking straight into my eyes.

The tailed beasts looked over towards me once more, awaiting my answer.

'' why would I need a chance to love? It's unpleasant enough that I the strongest tailed beast has to be sealed back into a host, I do not need the burden of a emotion such as love as well.''

I expected them to look at me with anger or distaste, they always did that whenever I mention myself as the greatest tailed beast. So why. The looks of pity that were directed towards me. I hate this. I am not a pitiful creature, I do not want their pity.

'' Is this what you really want? Are you being true to yourself, Kurama? '' the tone used by son Goku angered me. I am not a child who would make reckless or poorly thought out decisions.

'' what about all of you, what you were all given a chance to love. What would do.'' why were they so persistent on this matter, asking me such a question. The sound of laughter brought me back. They were laughing at me again.

'' It's simple, even if we were given a chance to love there would be no one that we love or would love us back.'' that was correct, no one would ever love a tailed beast.'' Chomei spoke out in her usual overly energetic manner or was it in a happy go lucky way. I could never tell.

'' would it not be the same with me, the most feared among us all.''

'' Hahahahahaha. In the end the only thing you know is destruction. ''

''And what would you know, you one tailed rat. Tormenting your host into thinking your its mother.'' This was getting on my nerves, can they just see that I do not want such a chance. Why are they meddling in my affairs now when they barely cared many centuries ago.

Son goku's question to me still rang in my mind. true to myself. Am I really. Yes, that is what I believed. That a being such I has no need for love, I will never love, I will never be loved, all I have is hatred. All I know is hatred So why. Why is it that I am so drawn towards the idea of being able to love.

This feeling was unnerving.

Moving towards the old man with my answer mind. I would not go back on my decision. The old man turned around to face me, a serious expression on his face as he awaits my answer. Before giving him my answer, I wanted answers of my own.

'' why. '' there was no need to elaborate any further and the old man seemed to understand.

'' you can say that this is the selfish wish of a dying man. To try to correct my wrongs before I have to leave. The reason I gave you this chance because you deserve to have such a chance, much more than the other eight.''

'' no. I do not. All I did was destroy. I helped reinforce the idea of tailed beasts being monsters. I was the one to drive us apart. I did nothing to deserve such a chance. Even as the strongest one of us all, I did nothing but wait for someone to fix the problems.''

'' and yet here you are, admitting to yourself the mistakes you have made. So why not take this chance to fix everything? Naruto has befriended and saved you from hate. Now it's your turn to help him.''

Naruto. How can I help him. What does he not have that I can give to him. He has always been the one to help me, even when I did not deserve it.

I looked over to his sleeping form, he has essentially achieved everything he set out to do. With him saving the world he could easily become Hokage especially with the admiration from people around the world. He has become a beacon of hope for peace. A being of hatred and destruction could never be of help to him.

* * *

As I moved over towards the clearing where team seven was summoned to, I hoped that kurama would think about what I said carefully.

Both Sasuke and Naruto laid sprawled on the ground, both seemingly recuperating from the fight with mother. Kakashi approached me.

'' What do you plan to do now? With Kaguya being sealed away and once both sasuke and naruto wake the infinite tsukuyomi would be dispelled as well. ''

'' I will stay till both naruto and sasuke wakes to instruct them how to dispel the infinite tsukuyomi. After that I will finish any business I have and allow the past to resolve itself before heading towards the pure lands along with the other hokages. '' I looked over towards Hashirama and Madara as they exchanged their final words.

I turned around to face what I presume to be kurama as I heard the sound of footsteps that only a tailed beast could make.

'' why. ''

why indeed. Perhaps when I left this world originally, I trusted humans to treat the tailed beasts as creatures with a will just like their own. When I returned and I realised how the tailed beasts had suffered, I felt guilt. It could be phrased in many ways but this is just a selfish wish to alleviate the guilt that plagues my heart.

'' you can say that this is the selfish wish of a dying man. To try to correct my wrongs before I have to leave. The reason I gave you this chance because you deserve to have such a chance, much more than the other eight.''

'' no. I do not. All I did was destroy. I helped reinforce the idea of tailed beasts being monsters. I was the one to drive us apart. I did nothing to deserve such a chance. Even as the strongest one of us all, I did nothing but wait for someone to fix the problems.''

'' and yet here you are, admitting to yourself the mistakes you have made. So why not take this chance to fix everything? Naruto has befriended and saved you from hate. Now it's your turn to help him.''

I watched as Kurama mulled over my comment. I really hoped that Kurama would take this chance, for both Naruto's and Kurama's sake.

'' Old man, how are you going to give me this chance to love even if I wanted it.''

Kurama stared at me intently, I was glad Kurama chose to give it a chance. Breathing in deeply, I felt chakra flow through me. It has been a long time since I used my chakra, it was a nostalgic feeling.

* * *

As I moved on towards the pure world, relief was all I felt. It was as if I found closure. I was glad that the world was in the hands of people like Naruto. When I first decided to spread Ninshu as a religion, I never expected it to turn into a deadly weapon like Ninjutsu. Chakra was meant to "connect" people's spiritual energies with one another. It would allow people to understand each other without communication and pray for one another's safety. It was not meant to be used as a tool for violence.

When I was alive, I was treated as a deity, the saviour of the world. Perhaps that was my greatest flaw. I never understood the people around and I could never get close to them. I tried to make a way for people to connect with each other when I myself could not. When I entrusted the legacy of Ninshu to Asura, I started a chain that would lead to the creation of Ninjutsu.

It was foolish of me to entrust something so large such as Ninshu to one person. However with Naruto, I am sure that the world will be able to move on towards a more peaceful era. Peace for not only the the world but for Naruto, sasuke and the tailed beasts.


	2. Official chapter one

He felt empty. He expected to feel at the very least relieved or happy, but looking down at the village from the stone head of his father. He felt empty. Perhaps it was because he was alone. It was to be expected, Sasuke was taken away, his teacher was called by the hokage, Sakura was helping out at the hospital, the other 'rookies' were either with family or mourning for them. Team ten was with Guy mourning for Neji. It seemed that even Kurama was busy, there was no response from the tailed beast no matter how many times he had called out. Perhaps it was busy discussing matter with the other tailed beasts.

''Tou-san, how are you now? Are you with kaa-san or are you still with the other Hokages? Did you tell her about the war yet?'' he spoke out quietly as he laid on his back. He hated being alone.

Tears started to roll down his head. Using his arm, he wiped it away as he stood up. He was going to get some ramen to eat. Ramen was always there whenever he felt alone. Taking a running jump off the stone head, he proceeded to head towards the Ichiraku ramen stall.

The streets were clear of traffic as Naruto walked towards Ichiraku's. Even on most days the streets would never be crowded leaving ample space for people to traverse, most ninjas prefer more direct methods of getting to where they needed to go and only civilians and the occasional ninja would use the streets. However with the recent ending of the war and the large god tree branches scattered around, it served to only deter people from leaving their homes.

''a large serving of miso ramen with roasted pork fillet please." Naruto cried out as he took a seat.

''coming right up.'' came the reply of the ramen chef that stood behind the counter.

He really like Ichiraku's. It was the first place that accepted him, where every other place had kicked him out, Ichiraku's opened it's door and allowed him. It was also the place where he had many wonderful memories. The times when sandaime-jiji decided to treat him to a bowl of ramen, when Iruka brought him here after his many pranks, where his team decided to have lunch at once every few weeks while trying to sneak a peek at Kakashi-sensei face under his mask. This place was akin to a second home for him.

'' what bring you here at such a time, Naruto-kun?'' the voice of the ramen chef's daughter seemed to break him out of his musings.

'' with every body being busy or unavailable now, I thought that it would be a good time to go for a bowl of ramen.'' Naruto answered a smile on his face. He did not want worry the Ichiraku family with his problems.

'' here's your order, Naruto and feel free to drop by whenever you wish, you're our best customer after all. I'll even give you this first bowl free of charge.''

even if the only connection he had with the ichiraku family was through ramen, they were people who were precious to him, he would never forget the first time he had sat on the chair as he waited for his first bowl of ramen.

'' Thank you old man. I'll have another bowl after this as well.'' he said with a large smile.

* * *

The mindscape was a dark, dank and overall bleak place where horror stories would take place in, and never in all of its existence would Kurama ever say that he would want to ever return willingly or otherwise. However after all that had happened, the mindscape was not as bad as Kurama deemed it to be, especially now without the cage. It was at the very least better than being in the Gedo mazo or As part of the ten tailed beast or in the stomach of the death god being forced to battle the fourth Hokage over and over and over again.

It was also good for Kurama as he was back in one whole piece again. After sixteen years of being cut off from his yin half, it felt comforting to be at full strength again not the Kurama needed the extra power mind you but it was nice to have it back. However if it had one complain about its current situation, it was the fact that it had to share its space with the chakra of the other tailed beasts. They already had their own respective place which they could reside so why did their chakra have to be left behind in its host.

Looking over at the chakra left behind, they seem to pulse or shimmer once in a while. However to the best of its knowledge, the chakra given to Naruto should not have taken up such a large space. So, when did they leave so much chakra behind and did the water level rise since the last time it had been here? It could feel the water up to above its ankles which was weird as normally it would not even be a thing that it would notice.

* * *

A loud and fairly high pitched scream could be heard through the winding corridors of Naruto's mindscape. The voice originated from the large room which once was used to hold back the Nine tailed beast. However the great beast was not there, leaving the room was strangely empty.

'' I expected a larger problem when I heard the scream to be honest.'' The voice of Son goku, the four tailed monkey, reverberated throughout the room as eight tailed beasts gathered in the once empty room.

'' yes indeed, the scream seemed to indicate a conflict of a higher magnitude.'' the smooth voice of Matatabi, the two tailed beast, was heard in agreement with the statement made by Son Goku.

'' How is this not a huge problem! I woke up only to find that I've been turned into a human female!'' the once deep, masculine and booming voice of Kurama, the nine tailed fox, was now much higher in pitch and more feminine. Upon hearing the voice of the once giant nine tailed fox, crazed laughter echoed in the room.

'' HAHAHAHHAHA. The nine tailed fox turned to a small human and a female no less.'' the crazed laughter increased in volume as Shukaku, the one tailed raccoon, gloated. The now female Kurama tried to retort to Shukaku's words however her words were barely audible over Shukaku's laughter.

Sensing the rising anger of Kurama, Kokuo, the five tailed dolphin headed horse, decided to play the mediator before anything gets out of control and lasting damage is dealt.

'' Shukaku, it's not polite to laugh at the person when they are facing a problem especially for another fellow tailed beast.'' Kokuo spoke out before turning to face Kurama,

'' Kurama, did this not occur because you accepted the offer Hagoromo-jiji offered you? I am sure he would have left a way for you to return back to your original form.''

'' and how do you suppose I change back to a giant nine tailed beasts when I am now a human female with the height of 167cm. There is too large of a difference in matter.'' Kurama snapped back at Kokuo still evidently mad.

''when I decided to accept the offer, I expected something different. How does Hagoromo-oji expect me to experience love while stuck in here.'' Kurama ended with a sigh, she was getting tired of it all. Being forced into such a position, why did she even accept such an offer. She was ready to just stumble over and sleep the rest of the day away.

Sounds of footstep could clearly be heard from the door which connected the large room to the hallway. The sound startled kurama as it could only mean one thing.

''Oi, Naruto's coming over now. Don't mention anything about me turning to a girl.'' Kurama shouted out loud in panic. She could not afford for Naruto to see her. Knowing him, he would make a giant fuss over it and attempt to solve it and in the process tell everybody he knew about it. Her reputation as a tailed beasts would be non-existent if Naruto found out.

''yo, Shukaku, Matatabi, isobu, Son goku, Kokuo, saiken, chome, gyuki. Good to see you again. Have you seen Kurama around? I've been trying to contact Him for a while but he's not responding. His chakra is still here but I was worried if something had happened to him. He is after all someone I consider precious.'' Naruto asked the tailed beasts.

(note: In japanese, Kurama refers itself in a way used by most older men thus Naruto would most likely adress him as a male so don't freak out this also helps me write easier.)

''Yo, it good to see you well especially after the war. We have not seen Kurama as well, but if we do find out anything we would tell you.'' Gyuki answered. Hearing the reply, Naruto flashed his signature smile.

'' ok, I will be going then. If you need any help in the future, feel free to ask Kurama and me.'' he said out before his figure disappeared as he returned to his physical body.

* * *

''I was worried if something had happened to him. He is after all some someone I consider precious.'' the words that Naruto said repeated in Kurama's mind.

''He considers me precious.'' she thought to herself, as her cheeks reddened. She knew that Naruto would say that to anybody he was close to and it should not have gotten to her but hearing him say that made her heart beat faster than ever.

''Is this the feeling of love?'' the movement of Isobu broke her out of her thoughts as she tumbled over and fell on her rear.

''I'm sorry Kurama, I did not see you there.'' Apologized isobu

''Perhaps we should make haste in finding a way for Kurama to return to her original form. We can't cover for her every time Naruto comes and Naruto will figure out that something is wrong if she does not return to her original form soon.'' spoke out saiken.

'' there's no need for any of you to stay any longer. I can solve this by myself, you can return back to your bodies.'' Kurama said out. She needed more space and time to figure out her own feelings and dealing with the other tailed beasts was not going to help her.

* * *

Ever since he was a child, he hated returning to his empty apartment. It just seemed to remind him of how lonely his life was. Even now as he was lying down in the living room staring at the ceiling, there was no difference in how he felt about his apartment as compared to all those years ago.

He considered summoning either Gamakichi or Gamatatsu just to have some company but he decided against it. It would be unfair for the toads if he just summoned them for no other reason than the fact that he needed some company as he was lonely.

The sound of his apartment's doorbell ringing broke him out of his thoughts. Lifting himself off his couch, he moved over towards the door wondering who could be looking for him.

As he opened his door, he was shocked to see the people outside waiting for him. all of his male friends were outside, Kiba, Lee, Shikamaru, Choji, even shino was there.

''what are you guys here for?'' a confused expression was on naruto's face as he said that.

''What do you mean 'what are we here for'. It's for your birthday, so go change out of your tee shirt.'' Kiba said loudly as he slung one arm around Naruto's neck. Even after listening to Kiba, Naruto was still confuse. His birthday has passed after all. Shino seeing his looks of confusion spoke in his usual monotone way.

''What kiba meant to say was that we have arranged for a party in your name to celebrate your birthday now as we could not celebrate it on the day actual day. Please do get changed as there are people awaiting your arrival.''

''Sure, I will get changed soon.'' he was about to breakdown, His friends had not forgotten about him. flashing his hundred watt smile, he made his way to get change.

It was nice to have people around him. He hated being alone.

* * *

YAY. New chapter woo. I really appreciated all the like and follow and reviews. It means a lot to me! If interested in beta do let me know btw. I also had a hard time getting speech patterns correct as most of the tailed beats do not get much screen time and the japanese language has a lot of ways to say one thing for many different context, while the English language is just much more general and vague so pardon me for out of character moments.

Yojimbra: the first person view was kind of a one chapter thing as I wanted to separate the prologue from the other chapters. Plus I wanted to try writing in first person as well. And also thanks for the advice, I don't understand it too well but it think I get the gist of it.

Xerzo lotcn: ok? Ok. OK! ok. Okay.


	3. i should go sleep

''I was worried if something had happened to him. He is after all someone I consider precious.'' the words rang in her mind as her heart beat faster and faster, her face became flushed and everything felt warm all of a sudden. Hearing him address him as male had hurt her slightly but it was to be understood. She had picked up the way of speaking from Hagoromo-oji and it had just stuck with her and it did not matter how she was addressed as most only saw her to be a weapon like the other tailed beasts.

Resting her hand on her forehead, she closed her eyes. Collecting her thoughts.

'' I am Kurama. I am physically a nine tailed fox as large as mountains. I now have the mental apparition of a human female. I am back, sealed in Naruto and I think I am in love with him.'' she recited calmly to herself. Even with her rudimentary understanding of the feeling of love, even she knew she at least had some form of feeling for Naruto. It could have been love or it could be something else entirely but it was still a feeling she had for him at least that much was true.

As she continued down her train of thought, things turned darker as she considered consequences and as she considered her current state of being nothing more than a mental projection.

'' Would he even accept some one like me? Some one who could only be seen in his mind, some one unable to provided him with anything physical. Some one who only exist in the minds of mad men who have nothing else but their minds, clinging on to whatever shreds of lights that still exist for them.''

these were the thoughts that ran through her mind and with every thought, she started to lose any form of drive to want to experience the emotion of love. What seem to be a sharp pang of pain had shot through her heart. Pain which she would never have had to experience if she had not taken up the offer. All this new feeling springing up on her, never in all her years had she ever felt so uncertain on her desires and goals. It scared her, she considered herself to be near the top of the food chain, she never had to deal with such issues before.

This was all too much for her, she wanted to lash out, she wanted to get it over with and be done with it. She wanted to turn back time and reject the offer she was given. She wanted it all to end.

'' AHHH!'' she screamed out in frustration as she sprung up. Now standing standing at her full height. As soon as she got to her full height however, she collapsed onto her knees as she used her hands to support her body's weight.

'' is this how humans felt when in love? Why does this exist. How could people ever want to fall in love? Why do people want to go through this?'' she questioned herself and every belief about her perception of love.

Over the years she observed the emotion known as love. It was a mystery to her, how easily humans could stay together with one partner through this emotion known as love when they could have easily have just left one partner for another once a child has been born.

When she was then sealed in the first hokage's wife, he felt small inkling of an unknown feeling from her which was only amplified by the time she had transferred over to her next host. However this feeling was lost when she was sealed into Naruto. She recognized the feeling as love. She had the ability to sense emotions, not just the negative ones but over time as her hatred for humans grew so did her affinity for negative emotions and soon she lost interest in understanding love. This had all changed when she was confronted with Naruto's idea of love and soon it influenced her enough to accept the offer.

''what do you think I should do, Gyuki?'' she called out, still facing the floor. Hearing its name being called, Gyuki moved out from the shadows which hid his figure. What looked like a sheepish expression on his face.

''I did not think that you would have noticed me. I was not trying to hide my presence but even still.''

''Have you forgotten? This is my seal, my domain essentially. If you're not going to answer my question, then at least tell me why your here.'' Kurama spoke out, her voice empty.

''B is rapping his heart out right now again and even if I could tolerate his rapping more than the usual company he has, there is still so much I could take so I decided to check up on you for a bit. So I assume you have managed to gain back your original form.''

''I have managed to return to my original form and for your information, I am feeling like shit right now.'' at least she was not the only tailed beast to suffer. With Gyuki now here, Kurama was relieved to have some one to talk to and to have a second set of opinions.

''well I guess even if we are mostly free and no longer used as weapon, it's not just all sunshine and roses. To answer your earlier question,there is not much advice that I am able to give you nor can any of the other tailed beast. After all you are the one to be given this chance, all I can say is to not back out.'' Gyuki spoke out seriously.

''And why should I not back out? You do not know of this horrid feeling. It hurts Gyuki. It hurts.'' Tears were streaming down her face now and she could no longer support herself. She let herself fall but instead of meeting the cold hard ground, she face planted into a soft tentacle instead.

''Are you going to give up that easily, it hurt when hagoromo left us. It hurt when we found out we were to be given out like weapon, but we all found the silver lining. We toughed it out, it may have changed us but look at us now, no longer chained and bound. I am sure love is not just all you have experienced so far.''

The words sparked something in Kurama. The feeling of her heart beating faster than ever. The heating of her face as it became flushed. The feeling she had when he heard Naruto say that she was precious to him. Love is not just suffering as she had experienced. Gyuki soon followed up on his previous statements.

''There is no reason for you to not back out but have your forgotten what you said. When we asked you to settle. You told us that you wanted to know why. You said that it was given to you for a purpose and that it could help us all. That it was your mission. Now you are given yet another chance. Why waste it'' Gyuki volume was toned down, there was anger in his voice but there was no ill will at all.

A thought popped through her mind as she was reminded about yet another fragment of her past.

'' My mission? Yes, something I had wanted to do all those centuries ago. Gyuki was right, I should not waste this chance again. But how was the question now. How would she do it.''

''what would you suggest I do then Gyuki. Even if I wanted to do it I don't know how. If I already had a solution then I would not be here crying.'' what started as a soft question turned to a loud shout as if demanding the answer from Gyuki.

''You do have the solution, something is just stopping you from putting the solution to use. This is a simple equation, it's your heart that makes it complicated. I can't keep pushing you forward'.'

''And so what if it is my heart that makes it so complicated? So what if I don't know. So what if I am scared. I DO NOT WANT TO BE HURT AGAIN!'' and once again, tears fell and they fell hard and fast. Gyuki looked at the small figure on one of his tentacle. So small and fragile, and he realized this was not the same Kurama which had fought alongside on the battle field. Shred of guilt crept up upon hime but he did not know what to do.

Gyuki would never say that he could give good advice considering that he was a tailed beast but he had his way of doing things and he would stick to his ways.

''b once said, the ones who accomplish things are the big idiots that don't care about how thick and strong the wall is. And you are an idiot who does not even know of her own feelings and idiot who is too thick headed to admit to anything. And you are going to be the idiot who would break the so called wall by going overboard.''

this was his way of doing things. He was rough and serious, perhaps one of the more soft spoken Tailed beast could have done a better job but if he was the only one there then he would have to suffice.

''You could have put it in better words you know. But if I really am as big of an idiot as you said then I guess there would be no other way for me to understand your words.'' Kurama looked up at Gyuki as she wiped away her tears. A small smile adorned on her face as she did. If Gyuki only had one word to describe what he saw, he would have said that it was unforgettable. What came after was something he would never forget as well. A heartfelt ''thank you'' from Kurama.

''No need to thank me, the others would have done the same as well. It's only fair for you after all you had done in the past.'' Gyuki said out a smile mirroring that of Kurama's. With that, Gyuki said his goodbyes, letting Kurama down before heading back to his own seal where Hopefully B should have stopped rapping by now.

As Gyuki left, his words were still in the mind of Kurama as she tried to figure what deeds she had done for the tailed beasts in the past that they would still willingly help her after she had decided to disconnect from them. But that could wait for another day, for now all she wanted to do was rest. She was exhausted Mentally, physically and emotionally. She had cried and collapsed and spent too much time thinking of unpleasant thoughts.

When she had gain back enough energy, she would answers her heart's desire. She was and idiot who would go overboard and that was what she would do. As she slept, streaks of red chakra rushed over to her form as she reverted to the Nine tailed fox she was known to be. A memory of Naruto smiling brightly was the last thing she had remembered.

She had feeling for Naruto, I could be love but it could also be something else. Whatever it was, she had some feeling for Naruto and it was going to tear her apart Emotionally if nothing changed.

* * *

As he returned to his own seal, he hoped that he had made the correct choice. He did not want to push Kurama any further than necessary for fear of going overboard and have her break down. When he held kurama on his tentacles, all he could see was a fragile creature and not the beast which could level mountain and cause tsunamis.

Fragile not just in physical sense but also emotionally. Just like a house of cards, a small disturbance could cause everything to collapse now more so than ever. He had set forth some waves which could cause great changes and he could only hope it was positive.

He hoped that the past would not repeat itself once again because if it did then perhaps the leftover pieces could not be ever put back again. He was broken out of his own thoughts as the rapping of Killer B could be heard loud and clear. With a sigh, Gyuki questioned how he could ever have wanted to return to such a being but if B had ever stopped rapping then perhaps B would no longer be B anymore.

* * *

Hi! I am back. Was quite a slow update I guess. Well to be expected I do have school and after school lessons and whatnot but I managed to clear some time to write though. Though writing till 12 am when I still need to wake early for school tomorrow is not considered good I guess but oh well. I wonder how many people reading are older than me?

But I am like really happy. I managed to break into double digits on followers with favorites being very close to it. And the reviews I got were positive which was very nice. And How should keep this story at, should I try to add adult theme or keep it a bit more lighthearted and funnier?

Yojimbra, Caderlorbe12 and naruto: glad you enjoyed the story so far I do hope I can keep it interesting enough until the end

Xerzo lotCN:haha OK haha sorry i did have nothing to say well i did not but i found that quirky answer and then i checked through to not check at all and these were not redundant so I am just showing approval for your review or something i was definitely very tired and suffering from insomnia(not really actually) and kurama is cute and the naruto alone bit was sad but very necessary for love and I also liked the ending.

Note: I appreciate reviews and I do try to have some fun while answering reviews and question while I still can as the story is small but don't spam weird reviews just to get weird answers from me okay?


	4. what is my chapter names

His legs dangled over the cliffs edge. Looking over the village that he regarded as his home for so many years. The sound of a party could be heard clearly behind him. The sounds of people shouting and laughing as they enjoyed themselves without a care in the world.

'' this party is for you. You should enjoy it instead of running off by yourself.'' a familiar voice was heard as Naruto felt a weight pressed on his head. Turning around, he saw the masked face of his former teacher with what he presumed to be a smile.

'' I am enjoying myself Kakashi-sensei. It's just a bit too much to take in.'' Naruto replied as tears started to well up in his eyes. Before Kakashi had a chance to reply, naruto continued on.

'' nobody has ever arranged something like this before for my birthdays. Old man Hokage tried to make some time for me occasionally and pervy sage tried to make it special from every other day but it's not the same.''

'' your only seventeen this year Naruto, your birthday celebrations will keep getting better. Now lets head back to the party, can't let the food that Sasuke paid for go to waste can we?'' his trademark eye smile clear as day to Naruto as they both walked back to where most of the activity seemed to be centered around.

A large table was present and around sat some of Naruto's friends while the others watch on from the side. Cards were dealt to the players and sake was poured. No one questioned the presence of sake or the cards all which were most likely brought in by tsunade.

Looking from the outside, the scene was comical. The fifth Hokage was seated at the center of the table, dealing out cards with a tinge of red on her cheeks clearly drunk, shizune at her side desperately urging her to stop. Sakura, Ino, Tenten, Kiba were clearly drunk as well as they sat along the table, cards in their hands. Choji and Shikamaru was off to the side as they discussed things that Naruto could not pick up, Shino was silently observing the actions of his teammate. Kakashi had left Naruto's side to join in the games, taking a seat right between his student and the Hokage. Naruto was fine with this, even if it was his birthday every one should have the opportunity to enjoy themselves. He was fine as long as Lee had zero contact with any alcohol of any kind.

So much had happened in the short seventeen years of his life. Ever since he came to this world. From the sealing of Kurama moments after his birth. The day he met Hiruzen. The day he stole the scroll of seals and learned of his status as host. When he met Zabuza and Haku. His entering of the chuunin exams and the invasion led by sound and sand. Looking for Granny Tsunade and learning of the Akatsuki. He could go on and on and now that he looked at it, his life was extremely abnormal but he would have it no other way as each event had influenced him and left him with things he would not forget. It was such events that moulded him to be the person he was now.

As he was recalling about his past, something caught on the corner of his eye. A familiar dark blue colored hair and the unmistakable pupil-less eyes which belonged to the Hyuga clan. The sight of Hinata made Naruto's heart hurt, as he was reminded of Neji. They did not meet on good terms, but over time they had became friends and when neji laid down his life to protect him, it had served as a reminder of the weight he was carrying.

Hinata had also reminded him of another point in his life, the first confession of love he had received. A confession he had yet to reply to. He was still unsure of love and what it even meant. All his life he strived for acknowledgement and respect. To escape from the lonely abyss he was once apart of and he had never once thought of love. He had always said that he had loved Sakura but he knew it was just another way to compete with Sasuke.

Did he love Hinata? He knew that Hinata loved him but what if he did not love her? Was he even mature enough to be in a relationship. He honestly did not know. He looked up towards the stars hoping for an answer. The stars were bright and the constellations were clear.

'' Naruto, are you okay? You've been staring at the sky for a while now.''

'' Iruka-sensei, how do you know if you love some one?'' the question surprised the chunin, not expecting such a question to come from Naruto.

'' why the sudden interest, got some one you like?'' Iruka took the opportunity to tease Naruto and to lighten the atmosphere slightly.

'' not really, I was just wondering.''

'' I can't say much as I've never been in a relation before but love comes in many forms. Familial love, love between friends, love for an activity and love between a couple. In a way, love can be just chemical reactions but it can also be something more. Love can be different for everybody as well. You have to find it for yourself.''

'' thank you Iruka-sensei. For all these years.'' as he said it, Naruto turned his head and flashed Iruka his signature smile.

''your welcome, Naruto. Remember, you can count on everybody here when your in trouble.'' seeing Naruto smile made Iruka smile back.

Their conversation came to a close and soon the sky was painted by streaks of white as shooting stars traveled across the night sky.

'' I don't want to be alone again. I want to have someone by my side for the years to come''

* * *

Unknown to Naruto, the beast which resides in him was also having love issues of her own.

Kurama was lying down on her back, hand raised up in front of her. She was still shocked at the sudden change, it was a bit too much for her to suddenly change forms. She was still not used to referring to herself as a she and much less used to the idea of love.

Did she even want to love? Yes. Yes she did, if not she would not have even agreed to change but who did she love, what is even love. Was it the rush of heat and the beating of the heart when Naruto had called her ' Someone precious'?

Could she even love Naruto? They were comrades, each others partner. Would it be right for the both of them to be in love with each other. Even if it was, would Naruto reciprocate her feeling?

What was her reason to even want to love?

Everything had a reason. It was something that Kurama believed in, there was a clear reason why she wanted to love. Something more than just a impulse, she did not do it on a whim. Was it because she wanted to give Naruto love? Something that would have been impossible otherwise.

She did not feel so, even she knew that most of it was just a cover up. There was something else at play, she was not the kind of person to do such a thing. She was far too shrewd to do it, there was something bigger at play that not even Kurama knew about.

That irked Kurama, she was used to being in control of herself, she knew what she was, what she hated and what she wanted to do but now, she did not know. She was turned into a female, her emotions was all over the place, the reason why she wanted such a change was lost to her, she did not know how to move forward and worst of all, she was falling for Naruto.

That was the only thing she was sure of. That she was falling for Naruto. The racing of her heart and the flushing of her face was not a coincidence, she was falling for Naruto. That was what she had believed with her rudimentary understanding of love.

Everything seemed to revolve around Naruto for some reason. She was sealed inside of Naruto, she had changed because of Naruto, Naruto had also a played in her decision to take the large change even if the part played was small, Naruto was also the one that was making her lose controls of her emotions as well.

She was at a loss. She was at a standstill with no where to go. All the cards laid out to her was not desirable. She could easily sweep her form change under the rug and pretend none of it happened or she could try to take a step forward into the dark and see where that path may lead. She did not want to do either, for fear of hurting herself on the latter or to abandon the chance given to her by Hagoromo-oji on the former.

She closed her eyes and let herself drift off, there was no point in overthinking things true. An image sprang to Kurama's mind as she had her eyes closed, a image of Naruto his trademark smile on his face with his right arm stretched out his hands in a fist.

'You're not the monster fox anymore. You're one of my teammates from Konoha' those words came to her mind as she saw the image. She felt a familiar rush of feelings, racing of the heart and flushing of the face. Even so, she was unsatisfied, she wanted more. Just being team-mates was not good enough. She wanted to be someone precious.

Her eyes shot open, she found her drive. She would take the step forward towards the dark path that she had not walked and see where it will lead her. She wanted something more from Naruto. If it leads her to the hidden reason then all the better if not, she would not fret over it. She had gotten a chance to love and she would make full use of it.

However, as one problem gets solved another takes its place.

How was Kurama going to return to her original form. After all, until she hopefully confesses to Naruto, she could not possibly stay in her female form and this was the problem faced by the lone female in the mindscape. A way to return to her original form.

And so far, her progress was basically non-existent. She had gotten no where closer to retrieving her original form.

'' Ahhhhhhhhhh! Why did Hagoromo-oji keep things so cryptic and complicated.'' she was close to pulling her hair out due to the fustrations she had faced.

All she knew so far was that she was a mental apparition supported through chakra mostly yin in nature. She was in essence like a genjutsu however unlike most genjutsus she could still interact with most things physically while in the mindscape. She still had mass and occupied space. She just needed to somehow make up enough matter to cover the difference in between a nine tailed mountain sized fox and a small female human. All which were easier said than done.

How does one make up such a large amount of matter. It is not like there exist a convenient and easily controlled substance in large amounts that she could use to magically conjure up a new body.

A convenient and easily controlled substance in large amounts.

'' How dumb am I?'' Kurama asked no one as she rested her head on her palm.

How could she have forgotten the most essential part of life and what she used to be mostly made of.

Chakra.

Looking at the large ball of chakra in front of her, with a simple thought the chakra flowed to her and soon she was encased in it. Soon the shroud grew in size and the beast which all people knew returned.

'' it's good to be back.'' she flexed her claws as the deep booming voice resonated through the room, a smile that showed of all her teeth on her face a smile which would give nightmares to event he strong minded people..

* * *

hi. I am back. After a really long break. And I can assure I had great reason other than pure utter laziness and extreme writers block. Reason which shall not be named. Also happy lunar new year. Its a bit late. Still. Happy holidays.

If you have not figured it out yet, the chapters are not in chronological order.

I am also really happy. The favorites and follow almost double I think. If this keeps up, I might even hit triple digits. Most likely not possible but a guy like me can dream can't I?

Well I really hope u enjoyed the chapter and any feedback or criticism or your own theories on what might be going on in the story is welcome is welcomed.

Guest(naruto): thanks for the review hope I can make this a good story not only for you but for others as well

Xerzo lotCN: now now I do think what I wrote was cute and somethings are better left till the end. I can't show all my cards now if not who would still read this story. Lets just say the unexplained or un-shown past of the tailed beast makes for great writing materials...As you can also see that hmm i'm also a weird guy so yes to all promises I cannot keep. ... you know i should also go to sleep (pulling another night shift)(its like 2 in the morning right now) i really should but I am suffering from stomach pain possibly hunger induced or maybe not. I am going to use the toilet.


	5. proposal 101

When Kurama heard that she was given the role as mediator when Naruto's mindscape became the gathering place for all tailed beast, she never expected that the mindscape would become such a lively place, she would have scoffed at the idea. She honestly expected that the tailed beast would mind their own business and live their lives in peace away from all others. It was not her fault that she expected such and outcome. They were hulking giant beasts made of chakra, they did not really have the best of social lives and small talk was beyond them most of the time.

They only time she expected them to call for a gathering was in the event of and emergency. Like if another madman hellbent on conquering the world or if the greed for power in people forced the tailed beast to be caged again or if dimension traveling power hungry clan of people came to collect tailed beasts or if the moon decided to crash into earth. You never know when such things might happen, it is an unpredictable world after all. but what could happen now that kaguya and black zetsu was sealed away?

However in the span of multiple days, the mindscape had been visited more than she liked. Even now. The tailed beasts were gathering once again after the last time. However she had no room to complain as this impromptu meeting was arranged by her.

* * *

'' oi. Kurama, why did you call us here.'' Son goku spoke out irritation in his voice. It was too early to be forced to listen to the troubles of others in his opinion and the other tailed beasts would agree as well.

'' well I called you here for something very important.'' Kurama replied. Her voice serious as can be and soon, the tension in the room rose, all eyes on Kurama as they await her next words.

'' I need help.''

the stares intensified. What could threaten the strongest of tailed beast so much that it would ask help from the other tailed beasts. Was a apocalyptic event happening or did the leaf discover another madman's plot for world domination? With a deep breath, Kurama spoke.

'' how do I propose to Naruto?'' all signs of seriousness gone from her voice, as she spoke out in a cheery way. Because of that, she was sent flying face first into the damp floor of her own mindscape. While the other tailed beasts reacted to her statement in different ways.

'' Oi. Gyuki, give me some warning before sending me flying!'' Kurama shouted at Gyuki while rubbing the top of her head, clearly angered by Gyuki's decision to force her off its muzzle.

'' hmph. You deserved it, for siting on muzzle and for fooling us.'' Gyuki said clearly angered as well from the trick Kurama pulled.

'' But you let B sit on your muzzle so why can't I? And proposing to Naruto is important. especially to me'' Kurama said out while mumbling the last portion to herself. Straightening herself out, she stood to the measly height, in her opinion, of 167cm before she got bombarded by questions from the other tailed beasts.

'' isn't it slightly early to be thinking of proposing, Kurama?''

'' why would it be, Isobu? Would it not be wiser to do it faster?'' and with that, isobu stepped back before Matatabi asked a question of her own.

'' so when is the date?''

'' date? I haven't thought about it yet.''

'' do not worry. Think it through properly. It is important after all.'' matatabi advised Kurama.

'' why are you proposing? Naruto should be the one to do it.''

'' Naruto does not know yet.'' and the reply left Son goku shocked. What was Kurama thinking.

'' Oi, Kurama. Why are you getting married so soon.'' and Gyuki spoke out what was in each Tailed beasts mind and what they all had wanted to ask the whole time minus shukaku.

'' Getting married? Since when did I say that, I just wanted to know how to let Naruto know that I like him?'' Kurama said out a expression of confusion on her face with an innocent tone accompanying it. A resounding ' ohhh. ' could be heard echoing around the room as dumbfounded expression found its way to the tailed beasts. Amazed at the great misconception that happened. Before anything could be done, Gyuki decided to correct her before anybody else gets the wrong idea.

'' Anyways, how do I get Naruto to like me romantically?'' Kurama continued on, a large blush on her face clearly embarrassed, either at the notion of marrying Naruto or at using the wrong word. More likely the former, not that Kurama would ever admit.

'' Sacrifice. Sacrifice. Give him the uchiha as a sacrifice.'' the strangely quiet Tailed beasts finally spoke out, in its shrill voice. Suggesting the use of a sacrifice to declare Kurama's love to Naruto. The suggestion had gotten Shukaku looks of shock from all a round. Even if the killing of said uchiha would be greatly appreciated it would certainly not help Kurama in the slightest. However something that shocked the tailed beasts even more was that Kurama seemed to be genuinely considering Shukaku's idea with a look of concentration on her face.

* * *

The sky was dark. It was raining heavily. In an open clearing near the leaf village, what seemed to be signs of a battle was clearly present. Large craters, ash and char was visible all around. Whatever battle that had happened must have been brutal. Thunder boomed and lightning flashed across the sky. The light provided by the lightning illuminated a feminine figure figure which stood at the center of the clearing, with what seemed to be a limp body in the figures hand.

This was the scene that Naruto came upon. This was not what he had expected when he was given a note which had directed him to go to the clearing. It shocked him and in his shock, the figure took a step forward. As another flash of lightning illuminated the clearing and in that brief moment, Naruto was mesmerized by the ankle length red hair that seemed to flow along with the steps of the figure. Unlike her mother's hair which was a muted red, the red on the figures hair was striking and vivid. the red hair even seemed to glow in the brief moment that Naruto caught a glimpse of it.

'' Naruto-kun. I did this for you. I love you.'' the clear voice came from the feminine figure and in and instant, the figure closed the distance between her and Naruto before throwing herself into Naruto's embrace.

Startled by the sudden weight that was forced upon him, Naruto could not keep his footing and fell dragging the figure along with him. With the figure passed out on top of him, Naruto decided to bring both of them out of the heavy downpour and into somewhere more hospitable.

And then, when the mysterious figure woke up. She and Naruto lived happily ever after.

Or so Kurama wished would happen.

* * *

'' I would have to find a way to be in the physical world for me to attack Sasuke and even if I did, Naruto would just hate me more.'' Kurama said as she awoke form her trance like state of mind rejecting the idea from Shukaku.

The tailed beasts that were in the same room as her let loose a sigh of relief as they realized that Kurama would not be doing anything rash such as murdering the best friend of the person she liked even if said best friend did deserve it.

'' Kurama why not try to seduce him when he comes into the mindscape?'' Matatabi spoke out eager to shift the topic.

'' s-s-seduce h-him..'' the stuttered words that came out of Kurama along with her now red face sent the tailed beasts laughing, amused at the sight of a flustered Kurama.

'' yes. Seduce him. It's not as if you are underdeveloped. You could easily make him fall for you that way.''

* * *

Naruto looked around the empty room of Kurama's mindscape, worry filled his heart. Kurama had told him to come to the mindscape and now Kurama as missing.

'' KURAMA!'' Naruto shouted hoping that it would reach Kurama. Taking a look around, Naruto saw Kurama's chakra floating in the middle of the room. Nothing seemed out of place to Naruto and nothing indicated to him that Kurama was in danger but he could not help but worry.

''N-a-r-u-t-o-k-u-n'' as soon as Naruto heard the drawled out voice, he felt a weight rest on his back. Naruto tried to turn around but was stopped as a female came into his field of view. From the moment Naruto could see hear, he was captivated by her ruby red eyes which seemed to draw him in closer the longer he looked at it. He could stare into those ruby red eyes for an eternity and it would not lose its beauty to him however he was forced to blink as a soft sensation was felt on his lips.

The female had leaned in forward and had pressed her lips against his. Naruto shocked by the impromptu kiss let out a gasp and stumbled backwards slightly, disconnecting himself from the female.

'' Did you not like that kiss, Naruto-kun?'' a playful hint in her voice.

'' or is it something else that you want from me?'' with that, she moved forward and let herself collapse onto Naruto forcing Naruto to collapse along with her. She propped herself up and with her now straddling Naruto, she was in total control.

And with that, the sounds of flesh hitting against flesh echoed throughout the room and they lived happily ever after.

* * *

'' 's thinking about it.'' the voice of Matatabi ringed out as the others looked at Kurama's now flushed face as the scenario played through in her mind.

''N-Next idea.'' Kurama shouted out her breaths heavy and face still flushed either from embarrassment or lust.

Though in all honesty, the idea seemed to be fine except for one detail and that was that Naruto was a shinobi. He would have been on guard the moment he knew Kurama was missing in the room and the moment an unfamiliar weight were to be pressed up against him, he would have retaliated and left Kurama with a sore back.

'' why not just learn to cook Naruto's favorite food and get through to him that way.'' Son Goku spoke out, hoping the so called meeting ended soon so that he could go back to his home.

Kurama ran the idea through her mind and it seemed feasible, to get to Naruto's heart through food or more specifically ramen. After all, Naruto seemed to live off of ramen and has always preachedthe greatness of ramen.

* * *

''Naruto-kun, here you go. Your favorite ramen made by me.'' Kurama said out loud, a smile on her face dressed in simple home clothes and an apron holding a large pot. The aroma from the pot would whet the appetite of any who smelled it. With the pot placed on the dining table, Naruto took a better look at the chef that had made the dish for him.

Even if she was only wearing simple clothing and an apron, the simple getup seemed to make have a certain homely feel around her. With her clothing hugging her body accentuating her natural curves and figure of her body, Naruto could not keep his eyes of her.

''Naruto. Quickly eat eat before the noodles get soggy and the soup gets cold.'' arms crossed and a hint of irritation in her voice as she said it, not happy that her work was not immediately appreciated. However, her crossing of the arms only served to bring attention to her already developed chest. With the customary 'Itadakimasu' said, Naruto dug into the bowl of ramen that Kurama had served to him.

Naruto at at a breakneck pace, a loud slurping could be heard in the room and as he finished one bowl another bowl was served to him by Kurama all with a smile.( in case some people do not know, slurping is actually recommended/ encourage to show just how much you like the noodle or soup in most Asian countries considered rude if no slurping is heard as well.)

''Kurama, please make me ramen everyday.'' Naruto said out loud stars in his eyes as he finished the large pot of ramen. Red seemed to creep up onto Kurama's face as she heard Naruto's words.

But knowing Naruto, he most probably said what he meant. There was probably no deeper meaning behind his words, it was not a marriage proposal but just a simple declaration. ( the joke here is that a way of proposal in japan is to say ' will you cook miso soup for me everyday' and well since its Naruto, ramen might as well be a replacement for miso soup with him.)

* * *

'' It would never work. I do not even know how to cook in the first place, much less make ramen.'' Kurama was starting to get frustrated at her lack of result. Just how hard was it to confess her love. She looked up towards the other tailed beasts, waiting for them to shoot out any one of their ideas and so, the discussions continued on. Ranging from the extreme such as an elaborate scheme to force Naruto to marry her to the simple of pretending to be another human to get close to him to the plain weird weird of using pheromones.

Even if she would never admit, she enjoyed this feeling. To be with the other tailed beasts.

'' Is this the feeling of being with family?''

* * *

hi. I am back after a massive break as per usual I think my longest chap so far. To be honest with you guys, I wanted this chapter to be released on valentines day. In fact most of this chapter was written on valentines day until I realised that I as a guy was spending my time writing on valentines day leading a depressing lonely life most likely for the next few years alone as well.

ok. that got dark fast. Thus in order to feel happy, I buried this away and never opened it up until now. And as to why I took one month well. I had to work and laziness kicked in and I got addicted to games.

In fact, I just finished monmusu quest. I kid you not, this is not a joke, this is not a drill, this is not reverse psychology, trust my advice if you do not know what monmusu quest is DO NOT I repeat DO NOT search it up. For your sanity and your sake. But after finishing that game I am feeling really empty. so. Got any good visual novels or rpgs that a low end laptop can run that you would recommend?

An update on fav and follows. Well it slowed down quite a lot I guess. Yeah. Not much to say here.

Xerzo lotCN: hahaha well all in due time is true I guess. After all patience is a virtue. ha well I'm not surprisingly unhappy and extremely tired right now even if work has forced me to sleep for basically 8 hours a day on a regular basis. I ate dinner like 4 hours ago but I am still surprisingly full. but right now, I am as random as I have always been. glad you found it interesting that the hero at the end of the story is now moving on to just find out more about what he wants. That is why I like fanfics because stories never show the end, only until the end point in the most interesting arc in their life. Never truly exploring what lieas at the end of the metaphorical tunnel. Man if my stories are sp predictable then I must be a bad writer welp no reason to stop now so lets keep going on..


End file.
